me
I’m constantly burdened by the question of am I okay. I feel that I will never be okay, I will never be truly happy. So many days pass by and they blur into one, I never remember how I felt or what I did. I feel as though I am just floating through life just waiting to drown again. I am not in touch with my emotions, and honestly I don’t think it would be a good idea to know how I feel. It makes so much more sense to ignore emotions and live life productively and then break down on occasion. I don’t believe in therapy, I don’t even believe that I am clinically depressed, I just think I have stagnated in life, so much so that all that matters to me are tangible goals. Sometimes I think I just have friends and a boyfriend because those things are needed in life to be happy and healthy. I think if I could I would just constantly sleep all day and never leave my room. Would you call that depressed or just a lack of motivation? I am constantly confused about my emotions and I don’t think I will ever be able to really understand them. I think I have trained my mind and body to shut out emotion, because every time I start to feel something I get stressed out and the only way to stop it is to stop feeling. Maybe this is just who I am, and honestly if that’s the case I’ll still be able to live my life but I will always long for more.
